SKYFALL
MUSIC:~YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE~Nancy Sinatra
Lazy Sunday this is. I'm listening to a Bond playlist and reading The Diary of an Idle Woman in Sicily by Frances Elliot, written in 1882.The images of the Sicilian island with its Calabrian coast is so soothing. I definitely have to plan a trip to Italy, and not only for the food :D
The only way i can be this relaxed is if i stay in my own head. Having to be nagged and always having to be responsible for every little detail is so tiring. She walks in here and dictates, gesturing wildly with her hands, ignoring that I am on the phone having a conversation. I am sick and tired of having my privacy violated, of being told that i have to account for everything i do , everywhere i go, everyone i see.....fuck that! i am an adult who is responsible, who knows where her life is going, who contributes to the household, who does what she has to do, who needs time for herself, who needs to be loved and taken care of emotionally instead of always having to be strong.
But in a way, it's a really good thing that i am this strong or else i would've given up long ago on life. she taught me that, i never saw her give up, not once on life. But i also never really saw her genuinely happy and taken out all your unhappiness and frustrations on me is NOT OK!
I am going to leave and i have to understand that they will be ok without me, they have to learn to be. i cannot be the support beam in this family anymore. i know i was built to nuture but i need to live. and right now i am suffocating. slowly dying.....
sooooo at this moment i make the conscious decision to stay in my head listening to The new James Bond theme SKYFALL by Adele.....
"This is the end
Hold your breath and count to ten
Feel the earth move and then
Hear my heart burst again
For this is the end
I've drowned and dreamed this moment
So overdue, I owe them
Swept away, I'm stolen
Let the sky fall, when it crumbles
We will stand tall
Face it all together
At skyfall.................."
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