Memories, LOVE, Jane Austen and LIFE
MUSIC:~Ho Hey~THE LUMINEERS
Sometimes i wonder how i survived my life so far. The many times i've been close to the edge. I've been close to killing myself more times than i can count. emotionally distraught. drunk. fucked some idiot just because. sounds familiar to a lot of people i guess.
I try not to pity myself too much and whine too much about shit. i always try to think of someone who has it even worse than i do. i have money, i have clothes, i have food......most importantly i have love. A lot of times i've felt alone, like my innards were replaced by a dying sun that was turning into a black hole slowly consuming me.
i remember how i used to cut and the sorry state i was in back then. drinking everyday so i wouldn't have to think about shit. drink all night, sleep all night, and on and on and on.
Life is really damn funny.it moves on and drags you with it. It gives you an opportunity and all you need to do is be brave enough to grab hold of it. So i grabbed onto guy........with both hands.
I'm ready to tell you guy's name (i was holding back because of some superstitious bullshit about jinxing something. but whatever).
His name is RAY.i can see him in my mind's eye. his pink lips curving into a smile, his trademark dimples appearing.
i'm happy right now......i'm trying to enjoy it and not rain on my own parade or let anyone else rain on it
Love has had me neglecting my books. and i have something to confess as well.......i'm addicted to reading mindless romance/sex drivel .i'm so embarrassed. but i can't seem to stop downloading this shit.
i mean i was dying to get to PERSUASION, MANSFIELD PARK and NORTHANGER ABBEY.and now they're just sitting there neglected on my bookshelf. this will NOT do....Persuasion is on my list to read today.
A smile is on my face as i think of cracking open my beloved Jane Austen book.
sigggghhhh
She is my favourite author.I don't know when i started loving her but i just did.i remember reading somewhere about what history called her "brief flirtation" with Thomas Langlois Lefroy who became an MP for the constituency of Dublin University, a Privy Councillor of Ireland and later on Lord Chief Justice of Ireland.
Maybe i'm crazy but sometimes when i read about the depressing history of her life i get sad. I think of how she lived vicariously through her characters. Nothing should ever be substituted in place of life.
But i understand.....some are lucky to find the love of their lives, others are not......i wonder which one am i?
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