Amazing Testimony of mine
I just got back from a deliverance service. I was kinda afraid to go to one because Ryan told me that the pastor there casts out demons from people and they vomit and drop to the ground and make like they�re in the throes of a seizure. So naturally, I was scared. Naturally.
You see I kept thinking,�Oh man I�ve done so man bad things in my life, so many filthy things�..that I, of all people, must have some demon inside me!!!
And by reading all my previous journal entries, you�d know that I�ve done some crazy and downright nasty stuff!!!
I was scared that the Pastor might blurt out that I was in the clutches of a particularly nasty sex demon!!
But an amazing thing happened when I walked through those doors (not that my life has been short of amazing lately!!)
This powerful feeling suddenly gripped my heart. It wasn�t scary, it wasn�t strange����it was oddly comforting. It was as if this force had laid hold of my spirit and was squeezing it. The force felt ancient yet oddly comforting, loving even.
The singers in the church were making a terrific noise. It felt as if the combination of the music and their singing could bring down the walls of the building. They were singing something like, �Open the gates��.something something �, can�t really remember the actual words too clearly but what I do remember is the feeling of my spirit splitting asunder to receive tremendous blessings!
I was staring around in wonderment, my eyes wide and brimming with tears. I don�t understand why I felt like crying. Maybe it was just the feeling of something far older than I, far wiser, far more forgiving and accepting, encompassing me in its loving arms. The music and singing reached a fever pitch and the pastor told us to get down on our knees.
Everyone dropped to their knees, including me. I have to admit, I felt a bit strange doing that. I�d never really went down on knees to pray. I mean I have, in mosque, but this was vastly different from any experience I have ever had!
I hesitated for a split second, looking around at this strange group of people and wondering about this getting-down-on-your-knees thing.
I�m somewhat ashamed to admit that a really stupid kind of thought suddenly entered my mind at that moment. (sigh) I thought, � damn, and these are clean jeans I�m wearing!!� stupid stupid thought!!
But down on my knees I did go and I will never, for as long as my life shall last, forget the maelstrom of emotions that overcame me.
The pastor was speaking words of forgiveness over us. He said let go of everything, give everything to Jesus. Let him have all of you.
Then the music swelled around us again and the powerfully moving voices of the singers rose in a song of triumph.
�Open the gates, open the gates!!�, was all I was hearing. And suddenly the tears weren�t just sparkling in my eyes anymore, they were rolling down my cheeks. My hands were clasped before me, my forehead rested on the back of a chair, whilst a pleading prayer formed in my soul and found its way out of my mouth. My trembling lips uttered His name ceaselessly.
�Jesus, my Jesus, my Lord. Save me, save me. I believe in you, take away all my anger, take away all my pain, allow me to forgive, allow me to forget my past�
Over and over I uttered these words and variations thereof.
I was shaky and sweaty as I finally stood, with tumbled hair, flushed cheeks and over-bright eyes. The Lord of the Worlds had made his presence known to me in such a magnificent manner that it was etched forever in my soul.
Everything after that terrific prayer session was surreal yet simultaneously more real than anything I�ve ever felt before. The Pastor; Jillian James didn�t preach to us. He spoke words of truth. Words that shocked me beyond belief. I could�ve sworn that the man was speaking directly to me. the first thing he spoke of was forgiveness.
He quoted a Scripture about mending ties with your brother even before you come to God�s alter to pray. Amazed, was an understatement. How did he know to address the very thing I was struggling with? Forgiveness.
I was wondering how I could move on with my life and accept the blessings of the Lord, if I didn�t know how to forgive Rick. The bitterness towards his actions had all but consumed me.
But before I left that church, I knew I had forgiven Rick, my faith had grown at least 100 feet high and that I was saved by my Father through the Lord, Jesus Christ.