am i beng paranoid for no reason?
Listening to: ~ So Sick ~ Flyleaf
~Stupid Girl ~ Garbage
~The Getaway ~ Hillary Duff
~Good Times~ Finger Eleven
I didn�t know that being good could be so hard! Going to youth meetings, going to deliverance services, reading the bible, going to mosque, staying away from clubs, alcohol and sex. OMFG!! It�s so hard. I wonder to myself if it�s just too hard.
Sometimes I just wanna go back to the old Nicole. At least she had fun. When I was stressed I could go out and have a good drink and party. Or I didn�t have to feel guilty if I went out with 2 guys at the same time. this new found conscience is really irritating sometimes. This feeling of guilt is driving me crazy!!
And Ryan is supposed to be my mentor and be an example for me is backsliding so much it�s not funny. He told me he went clubbing with Rick last night. That makes so much sense right? Go to church one night then go to a club the next night, right? Why does he make this big deal out of stopping those things when all he does is go back them the minute his friends beckon? Plus why the hell is he hanging out Rick?!!!
He�s spending more time with Rick than he is with me!!!
I think I need to stop talking to him for a while, but I know I�m gonna be stupid at some point and call him. He told me today that I have to understand that he forgets things really quickly.
I didn�t say anything but in my head I was like, �uh-uh he did NOT just say that!!!�
He�s the one who asks if I�m missing him, demands that I miss him, wants me to cuddle with him!
I think I�m going kinda crazy!!!
Kidney thieves are right!
�Crazy, I�m crazy for feeling so lonely
I�m crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I know you love me as long as you want to
And someday you�ll leave me for somebody new
Worry, why I do let myself worry
Wondering, what if my world shatters
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I�m crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I�m crazy for trying
And crazy for crying
And I�m crazy for loving you
I�m crazy for trying
And crazy for crying
And I�m crazy for loving you
I�m crazy for trying
And crazy for crying
And I�m crazy for loving you
--------------- KIDNEY THIEVES �