NOT DOING SO GOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it wrong to be wallowing in depression right now?
I still haven't found a new job and I'm living with my parents. I barely have any money, so i can't contribute to groceries, bills or buy anything for myself or anyone like i usually would.I have $38. in one account and $23. in the other.
have i ever hit rock bottom like this before? maybe.....emotionally. but not like this.
I feel like a massive failure.I'm 27 years old and i don't have a great career like i envisioned for myself. i always thought that by now i'd be settled, moving into a house i bought and .........yea i don't even have a car. i'm paying a student loan which the bank is deducting from my savings because i have no other money for them to extract it from.
i guess i should list a couple of positives so i won't feel like a complete loser:
I have a great boyfriend who can clearly put up with my mood swings and craziness (or else he'd be long gone!)
i have great sex.
i don't starve.
i have a roof over my head.
i have internet.
i have a phone.
i have friends who care about me.
i have parents (and while we're not on good terms right now, are still alive and supportive)
My parents and i had an argument friday night past because i got home at 1am. my mother locked me out of the house in front of my bf, who while he didn't look like he bothered with the proceedings, mortified me! I felt so embarrassed in front of him.
i felt belittled, i felt stupid, i felt like a little girl who has nothing of her own and has to kiss her parents ass.
i love my parents, and they've worked so hard for all they have and are still working but they make me feel like a massive failure.
I went to university, had jobs (short-lived).... had relationships (short-lived).....and what do i have to show for 27 years of life? NOTHING!
Sometimes when you try to tell yourself that you're still so lucky to be alive and not starving or disease or poverty stricken....it still doesn't work.