Tuesday, Oct. 09, 2012 - 11:01 p.m.
Playing CatchUP

MUSIC:~NO ME AMES~Marc Antony & J.Lo

Do not ask me why the above is the music in my head right now.no comment on that one. maybe i'm feeding my latent spanish soul or something, i don't know

today was blah as usual, work with it's usual bitchery. However, i am considering doing either pharmacy or dentistry. i have a biology degree already, it wouldn't hurt to apply and see if i can get into the programme. It's kind of tough to get into med school here. and if i can't get in i might have to do a year of introductory science (makes no sense i know!i have an entire biology and environmental biology degree!!) but that's the way things are in this country. i shouldn't bitch though because university is free here (provided you keep up your grades)

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tonight i talked to a good friend of mine. he considers me his best friend because according to him, no-one in this country comes close to understanding him and has his epic taste. so much for modesty J. he's a surveryor and a writer and a chronic gamer.

we haven't talked in a long while and i owe him $700. yikes! this is the first time i've borrowed money from a friend. he hasn't asked for it back but i've been kind of busy and too tired lately for the regular lunch and coffee time we used to have. he works in a surveying company not to far from the hospital i work in. recently he hooked up with a Peruvian chic called Ximena. She's an editor for a Peruvian revolutionary newspaper called and i quote lol THE FUCKING TIMES. so cool.she wanted to add me on FB and when i just heard about her i wanted to add her but apparently we both thought that would've been creepy lol so he's telling her to add me. so i hope she's like he said.

he seems happy. and i'm happy as well.for the most part. as happy as i can be, being me. I'm prone to freak-outs of course, that's what's fucking up my emotional well-being. not that i've ever been, what you can call emotionally well, for a long time. oh well! at least i'm not the fucking United States of Tara!

I had a meltdown last night after i talked to Ray. i bawled into my pillow for all of 3 minutes....ok closer to 4 minutes until i promptly fell asleep cause i was soooo tired after gyming.

the reason of le said meltdown being: i called Ray when i just walked into the gym to say hi, i missed him and to see if he got home ok. mainly just b/c i missed him. i told him i was in the gym and he said, somewhat amused, that i didn't have to check in with him.
this hurt me for some weird reason and before i choked up in the gym i told him later.

when i did talk to him later that night-much later :/ - we discussed his statement and i discovered that i was more hurt than i thought. he apologized for coming off so callous (he wasn't really callous) but i stopped him, b/c i said it wasn't his fault that he sounded that he didn't give a shit where i was.
the talk didn't go that well-we did NOT fight! but i wasn't sunshine shining through my ass happy like i always am when i talk to him.

this morning i calmed down and apologized for being a bitch. he said he didn't notice i was being a bitch and apparently he wasn't just trying to flatter me.hmmmm i wonder if he was telling the truth? o.O whatever, we're good now. But can it be that hard to not NOT care but don't care too much? just the perfect amount of care?

he's out with some friends.one of them is a close friend who is a girl who he says he owes his job to and she owes her job to.her name is Jenelle and a couple weeks ago they weren't talking on account of her ditching him and their other friends at a cricket match to go off with somebody. but apparently now they're talking. hmmmm

as a woman-i don't like. I don't know her, but i'm getting an uneasy feeling inside.Jealous much?

maybe......

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