Tuesday, May 26 2009 -
Is it wrong to be wanted?
So I�ve had a strange few days.
Friday night I went to a deliverance service with Radonna. I saw Jherrel there, Rick, Ross, Benisa, Benisa�s sister and ������Ryan, who didn�t say a word to me. sometime during the last couple of days I learnt definitely that he did sleep with Sian. The first night he met her in fact. I kept telling myself and everyone else that I was fine and that I�m not angry with him and I�ve gotten over every bad feeling. But that�s so not true. I�m hurt that he would just abandon me so totally.
What can a 16 year old who has no interest in the things of God, who wouldn�t know how to take care of him, who doesn�t know about love, what can she do for him?
But the again what do I know about love?
The only kinds of love I know about are the love of my mother, and the love of the Lord.
Both are limitless. Both endure no matter what I do.
I wish I could find love like that in another person.
Sometimes I wish someone would hold me in their arms and tell me that they loved me. That they would never let me go. That they wanted to spend their entire life with me.
Sometimes I feel like I have no patience with life. That I�m so tired of waiting on the Lord to provide for me.
Lord why are you taking so long??!!!
Then I have to answer myself and try and understand this answer that I give myself.
God wants to take me down a certain pathway, he wants to mould me and shape me. and when the time is right, when I am ready to be with someone, He will provide that perfect person.
If I know that this is the answer, why do I still feel like I am yearning? Why do I still feel empty sometimes?
God how I wish I could be with someone.
Sometimes the urge to just be with ANYBODY is so strong!!!
I just want to be wanted. But I would hate to be wanted in the wrong way. So (sigh) I have to wait on the will of God.