My stinking fucked up birthday
So I turned 23 today. And I feel depressed. Ryan and I aren�t talking. He is screwing up majorly and the worst part is that he doesn�t even care.
He�s mad because he blames me for his brother yelling at him.
I called his brother because I wasn�t getting through to him. his assignments were due yesterday and I was calling and calling his phone to tell him to pick his stuff up from me. of course, he wasn�t answering. Now I know he deliberately doesn�t answer.
Anyway, I called his brother Nicholas to leave a message for him and we ended talking for quite a while. It seems that Ryan is doing real bullshit at home also.
Not that I didn�t sort of know that but his brother told me so much more.
Apparently this is how Ryan always is.
So all this little church boy sweetheart oh-I�m-there for you personality he was portraying was just that a frickin� act!!!
His angelic fa�ade has slipped and now his true face is showing. And it is truly horrible. I cannot believe that he is so cold. He doesn�t care about anyone.
Maybe I shouldn�t be surprised, I should be more used to people behaving like assholes. But, and I don�t know is this is naivety or my ability to forgive, I always give people a second chance. As a matter of fact, I give people a third and fourth and fifth chace���limitless chances. I hate to leave people when they clearly are going down the wrong pathway.
But Ryan is rejecting all help coming his way. From his mother, from his brother, from me and from Jherrel. And the amazing thing is that the idiot thinks that nothing is wrong with him. that just goes to show you that maybe this really is his true nature����.scary.
(sigh) I guess the only thing I can do is pray for him. all anyone can do right now is pray for him.
Jherrel called Ryan�s mother tonight. He got signs that she should anoint the doorways of their house and anoint Ryan�s bedroom. She told J. that everytime she anointed his bedroom that he would be calm. But for only a time, then he would go back to how he was. Violent, angry, silent and sullen.
Ryan, who are you now? I don�t even recognize you anymore.
Why are you trying to kill my feelings for you? Why are throwing away our friendship?
Everyday I�m praying for him. asking the Lord to save him.
I fasted for him on Tuesday, on Friday me, Jherrel and Ryan�s mom are going to fast for him. Jherrel said that fasting is a powerful thing, that prayers are answered speedily after this.
So Lord help all of us through this ordeal. Save Ryan from following these demonic influences. Help us resist these demons that are troubling him.
Lord bless our fast, bless the words we say in pray. Give them wings to speedily travel to you. Lord grant our prayers. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
PS (found this out afterwards): and oh yea Jherrel told me something really fucking fucked up!!. Rick divulged to him that Ryan made out with some girl in a bar!..i was so shocked and angry and hurt!(those words don�t even cover how I was really feeling!!) I was actually trembling with rage and pain. I was close to tears but refused to allow myself to cry. HOW COULD HE?!!! He�s a fucking liar and a hypocrite!!!
And he wanted to spend my birthday with me and then the weekend with me!!!
He was gonna put his stinking lips on mine!!!! He so readily agreed to hang out with me on my birthday, calling me babe!!!!!!!! I AM SOOOOO�����..i don�t even know. I�m just gonna go now�.the words aren�t even coming!!!
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