Monday,April. 20, 2009 -
is this just rotten luck?
Ok so maybe I jump to conclusions to quickly. Maybe I get worried too quickly. And maybe, just maybe, I need to learn to control my anger. Even controlling my anger makes me angry!!
I sent Ryan this really screwed up message last night.
I told him he should learn t answer his phone, and if he felt like calling me back, knock himself out and if he doesn�t wanna call me back well whatever.
I�m a bitch right?!!
Why why why!!!
Why can�t I learn to calm down?
I�ll just mess things up if I keep along this pathway, I know.
I know this and yet I�m still doing it. he won�t want to be around me if I keep this up. And I have to try to keep myself from coming across as needy. Cuz no guy wants a needy girl right. But why does he have to spend so much time with Rick and Ross?!!! What?! Are they such loss cases that he has to be in their asses 24/7?!!!
Don�t I need his support also?
And I can�t tell him that cuz I�ll come across as desperate, not to mention kinda stalkerish and loony!!
I wish there was a right way to do this thing.
Ryan told me that he had one or two drinks in SPACE and that�s it. and I of course had to come across as the colossally worrisome friend who needs to go off n a tangent and make him feel like I don�t trust that he can make his own judgements about situations I need to keep my big mouth shut and stay away from him.
But I�m afraid I�m beginning to need him, just a little too much. and I maybe driving him away by my foolish behaviour.
I think I should just tone down and leave him alone a bit. But WTF is wrong with me
Do all men get women loopy?
Or are there a select few?
And why am I the only bitch to pick up this select few?!!
What rotten fucking luck, I do seem to have.