I'm trying hard, really I am
Am I doomed to the life I am living, all my days and nights? If I try to make myself happy, I make others unhappy. And when I make everyone else happy, I�m unhappy. What am I to do? Someone tell me please? Because I�m miserable and I�m trying to make my parents happy, more specifically my mother. I�m trying to obey her, but I�m unhappy all the time.
She treats me as if she knows every single thing that is bad for me. I can�t make a move, eat, talk to anyone, wear anything, take a shower, even sleep�����without her passing her judgement on it.
And really, I�m trying, trying hard to be obedient to her. Honour thy mother and thy father right?
Well what if you try to honour them so much till you want to scream bloody murder!
I can�t do this alone. I can�t. there�s no one to talk to who can ease my pain. My life is never my own. I can�t worship as I please, can�t even love who I please.
I�m a puppet whose strings are being pulled by someone else.
And the biggest problem I fear is, that I will never get to make my own decisions in life.
I�m afraid that the pathways I choose will bring conflict and I know it will. I know it.
The problem is���.what can I do about it.
I don�t want to hurt her, but I feel like I�m hurting myself, when I�m this unhappy.