Wednesday 7th January, 2009 -
HOW fuckin ironic

Could the universe have a more twisted, sense of humour?

I was trying to NOT see Rick right now and who should I run into, but the bastard himself. And not only him his twin brother Ross!!!!
Oh wait ���..add one more to the list���.I saw Dwane another ex.
The story with Dwane is actually the least turbulent relationship I�ve ever had. We�ve been friends for years, since we were both 17. And we always were intensely attracted to each other. It�s always been like that. Over the years the attraction had cooled to a closer friendship between us. But last summer, July to be exact, I bumped into him in the mall. It so happened to be his birthday that day. We started to hang out like a lot. And we realized how much we still liked each other. So we hooked up. But me going back to school put a real strain on the relationship, especially since I went back to live in my apartment for the semester and only came home on weekends. And on weekends my mother insisted that I spend time with the family. So it was too hard to keep the relationship going. We were so good together though. He really knows me and accepts me for who I am. But I guess we�re better as friends.

I stopped off in Hi RPM; this bar in the mall. And I saw Dwane and other people, Nick and Shameer and this bitch Rayann. Anyway Dwane and I got to talking then I was ready to leave. My cousin Diane was with me and she thought she saw Rick. When I looked, I saw Ross, his twin brother. I was so relieved.

A few minutes later I was walking out the door, when who should come and touch me on the arm, but RICK!!! Fuck! I was surprised.
But I didn�t let it show and he wanted me to chill with him a little. I did��..a little with much unease�with him asking him if I was still angry with him. I said it didn�t matter, forget it, please forget it. I am actually determined to not get angry. I am prepared to leave it behind me. If only he would let me!!

I left him in Hi RPM, while Dwane walked me over to Haagen Daaz where my cousins were. A little while later, who should walk in, but RICK AND ROSS!!
And those fuckers wouldn�t leave us alone. And Rick kept teasing my cousin Diane. I was sooooo pissed but I kept it to myself. I always hate it whenever anyone I�m dating shows any attention to her.

There I said it, I sometimes hate her!
So when Ross asked me to go to Burger King with him, I was sooooooo gratified when he told he thought that Diane has no personality, she�s like a blank page, she has no emotions.
She is a very bland person that�s for sure. But if I enjoyed what he said, if it made me feel better inside��I kept those emotions to myself,����I didn�t say a word or respond to what he said but I didn�t stop him either.
I know that�s selfish and wicked of me�����..but really is it so bad is I feel somewhat jealous of someone���even family?
She�s thinner than I am by far���she gets lots of attention. My friends who are guys always think she is so cute. I HATE IT!!

Anyway Rick begged me to stay with him and to let him drop me home, or better yet spend the night. What game is he playing?
He�s making it so hard for me to get past this.


So let�s summarize:

1) I met Rick and Ross today. and Rick was trying to play his fucking mind games with me
2) I met Dwane and we had an absolutely wonderful conversation. He�s great. I�m so glad we�re still friends
3) Ross bashed my cousin Diane, in private to me, and secretly I was glad.


I wish we humans didn�t feel so any emotions. If I could pluck my emotions out and cast them aside, I would.
I wish I could.

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