I am lost ...AGAIN
This is why I left last year. I really can�t take this shit anymore. She always is behind my ass about something.
I can�t even talk to anybody about my problems. I can�t go to anybody to talk about anything EXCEPT her!!
My head wants to explode right now. I really need time away from this family for a couple of days. I feel like I�m stifling and screaming inside. I can�t even get angry. She can come up to me and behave like a colossal asshole and I have to sit there and listen to the garbage she is spewing.
For years I�ve been trying to please her, but I always fail miserably. Nothing I do makes me a good daughter in her eyes. Why does she like to tell people and me sometimes that I am a really good, helpful daughter but every other day I do something wrong in her eyes?
This is driving me mad, insane.
She even got annoyed when I talked to a psychologist last year. She said I should come to her with my problems. Come on!�like I would?! She is so rigid and has no experience with the world I live in, she could help me? I don�t think so!
And the fucked up thing is that when we argue, even though I�m trying to defend my point��.I feel horrible. I feel sooooo guilty. Like I�m failing as a daughter.
I don�t know what to do��.i can�t please my family, I can�t please her, I can�t please myself. I can�t please ANYONE!!
I feel so helpless. I can�t deal with this anymore.
Now I see why 3 of my cousins, all girls, just left their homes. And all of them are under 26. one is 18, she left and got married. The other one is 22 and got married in secret and the other is 25 and left her house a while ago and made a report in the police station so that her family can�t look for her.
This can�t be just their faults. I know their parents feel a lot of pain and I would never like to hurt my parents, especially my mother, she�s been through a lot recently and I wouldn�t want to add to that pain. But honestly, I feel like I always have to be tiptoeing around her and her feelings. My thoughts and feelings NEVER matter. I think I need to come to a decision very soon.
If I don�t��I don�t know what might happen.