CONFUSION ABOUNDS
i went and did something really stupid.
Liam is in my apartment right now sleeping......which should say what i did.
we didn't have load of sex....just one very short shag and then he fell asleep.
i can't imagine why the fuck i would do something like this. Am i that dissatisfied with my life that i go cheat on someone with someone else?
I've never cheated. Especially on someone who i'm madly in love with ( or think i'm madly in love with?)
Ok i think i did this because i'm feeling so confused and doubtful about the future with him.i want to be with him but he lacks so many of the qualities that i value.
i can't have an intelligent conversation worth a damn with him. he's not independent and he's definitely a homebody.
i love a rebel, a strongly independent soul, a mover, a shaker, full of ideas and passion and willing to share them with me in an exciting and animated way.
Daniel is none of those things.
What he is; is loving, accepting, marriage oriented, and bloody fantastic at sex! but how can those things hold me over for the rest of my life?!
Hence, u understand my dissatisfaction.
last night though, sex wasn't spectacular with Liam, it wasn't even remotely sensual or made me feel anything. it was over in a few minutes and i'm glad. 'Cause a longer session would just mean more guilt.
i don't know how Daniel does it.
sex with him is wonderful and i love him , i do.....but i'm confused.
and to top it all of, a friend of mine Vish, asked me to date.
i told him "let's see. shall we?"
AARGHHHHHH!!!KDEWHVIERG@&%^*#)(@!%^$vjd!!!!!
WTF DID I SAY THAT!!
Vish is intelligent, funny, caring, sweet but i'm also NOT attracted to him!.i'm such a fucking bitch!!!
he wanted to date and i dunno. i spent all afternoon drinking with him then he walked me home and i called Liam (god knows why!) we had very short, uneventful, blah sex, then i looked at Dexter and fell asleep.....
only to wake up at this god-awful early hour to study for my exam today and feel like a shit girlfriend.
should i take this to mean that i should just breakup with Daniel?
i don't want to.
but i'm a fucking cheater!! how did i reach this stage? i hate it! i really need a chat with someone.....essentially i can't tell anyone.......I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW!!!!!! : /
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