Thursday, June 11, 2009 -
breaking down

I am so disgusted with myself right now. I just made my mom cry. I told her to shut up and mind her business and stop commenting on my every move. I�m a horrible daughter. I always am mortified whenever I hear people talking to their parents like that, but look what I just did.
I just got so frustrated with her keeping track of my every move. Every phone call, every shower, every meal. I get really annoyed. But that is no excuse for behaving like a total monster.
I have drifted away from the Lord. I know it. I make all kinds of excuses for not reading his Word. And I broke some of the rules I set for myself. I�ve started back drinking and talking about really sexual things again, entertaining the possibility of having sex again. I can�t go back there, I can�t.
I think that the reason I�m behaving so mean to my mom is that I�ve backslid so much into the bad stuff that I was trying to get away from. Something inside me is trying to hold on to the Lord, while my flesh is screaming for me to cling to the ideals of this world. And in trying to cling to this world I am lashing out ferociously to my mother.
I need to stop and breathe and get back to the Word. RIGHT NOW!!!
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