I HATE YOU
Why does everyone that I trust disappoint me so horribly?
Why do human emotions fuck with the trust that we�ve built so tentatively?
And what is it about me, which bring out the baser, more animalistic, lust-driven emotions in people?
For the millionth time������.me thinks that I am going crazy.
Last night my cousin and I had two friends over in our porch to drink a bottle of Scotch. It was fun and relaxing.
My roommate Aaron after they left called me asking if we had Scotch left. I said sure and brought the bottle with the remnants in it, for him. Plus I brought a glass of rum punch. Now Aaron is no slouch when it comes to drinking but I don�t know what the fuck went on this morning. It was 4 am, a perfectly normal time for him and me to be hanging out and talking bullshit. I was over by him and we were watching revolutionary road, well he was watching porn before and I turned it off.
An hour later, he was not drunk or inhibited in any form or fashion, he came straight up to my face and pinned me to the bed and tried to kiss me.
Now I was frightened like fuck. Cause Aaron�s my really good friend and scared the living daylights out of me by doing this.
He tried his best to sweet talk me and seduce me but I told him,
� you know you�re wasting your words on me right? Cause I am not a girl you can conquer. I don�t think you should waste your time on me. Save your lines for someone better than me�
I really don�t know why I said that. But I was so scared I started to sob like a little girl and instead of letting me go, you know what he did?
He told me I was so cute and proceeded to kiss me, he was lying on top of me and he�s very heavy and muscular so I couldn�t really push him off. So I had to do what he wanted and all the time I was feeling disgusted and wanted to scream but I kept thinking that he�s my friend and he�s already fucking our friendship up, I can�t fuck it up also by telling him I don�t want him at all and am not attracted to him. a lot of girls are really attracted to him but not me!!!!
I couldn�t stand his lips, they were thick and disgusting and his eyes that other girls complement him on so much��ugh! They were boring into me and I felt sick that he was kissing me on my neck and face. I was begging him to leave me alone and let me go��..but to no fucking avail!!!!
He took my phone and told me the only way I could get it back was to straddle him and rub against him and I was torn I felt like screaming, � I hate you! Stop this!�
But I didn�t want to hurt him, so I did it and I feel so dirty now. I just wanted my phone back. But in that moment I saw him for what he really is. A lascivious opportunist!!!
We can�t go back. Our friendship is ruined forever!
Oh why did he do this?!!!
Why?!!
I can�t ever count on anyone. Any man that is.
What is wrong with me that they always want me this way?
Even my friends, for godsakes?
I never gave him any kind of sign that I wanted him to do this.
I�m pretty sure that I didn�t.
Now I just feel sick and creeped out and I don�t even want to leave my apartment even though I have a shitload of things to do. Arggggggggghhh!!!
I am so fucking pissed off and frustrated!!!
And I just want to eat and eat and eat to get rid of this empty gaping weird feeling , that I have right now.
Maybe the hole is where our friendship was and he ripped it out and tore it to shreds with his lust and neediness.
I want to cry and scream but I can�t.
I hate everything.
That�s always my last line isn�t it?
I hate everything or I hate myself.
But yes����at this present moment��..I everything.
I hate him.
Why did you do this Aaron? Why?
Couldn�t you have been satisfied with our amazing friendship?
Now it�s gone. And you killed it.
You�re worse even than Rick. You deceived me and forced me and guilted me into everything!!! Every fucking thing!!
I HATE EVERYTHING! AND EVERYONE!!!
AND I HATE YOU AARON WELLS!!
I HATE YOU!
Even though you may never read this and I may never tell you this. This is the sum of my exhaustive emotions����. I HATE YOU.